My Daughter's Birth Story - Part 1

Let's just start by saying that the woman in this photo is most definitely NOT me.

I imagined the quintessential birth story. You know the one where the baby is born and the doctor or nurse hands them to you and the obligatory happy photo is taken. You know the one. Well, I'm telling my story to remind you (whoever you are) that giving birth isn't all rainbows and sunshine. I mean, you might know that already, but do you actually hear firsthand accounts from people who are healing and have found their voice?

Labour Induction

I was induced. This came as a shock to me. And, so begins my personal birth trauma story. My husband and I arrived at what would have been my last Obstetrician appointment before my due date. The date was March 30. My doctor entered the room and said, "how do you feel about getting induced tonight?" I would love to know what your answer would have been, but let me tell you mine; nothing. My mouth gaped open and I'm sure my facial expression matched the shock that was running through my head. I finally managed to whisper, "why?" My doctor's response was, "the baby is too big and there is really no reason for her to stay in there anymore". I always wondered what he expected me to respond to that... "Well okily dokily sir, sign me up." Um, No!

My due date was April 8. Simply put, I wasn't ready. I tried to explain this to my doctor who had already scheduled an induction appointment for me, THAT NIGHT. No matter the reason for my not being ready, what I expressed to my doctor was that I didn't want the baby to be born in March. My husband is a February baby, I am a March baby and I had already wrapped my mind around my baby being an April baby. He actually laughed. I felt stupid. Oh, there will be a part about doctor bedside manner, don't worry. I should also mention that OBVIOUSLY if the baby had to be born early for whatever reason, that our utmost concern was for their safety and mine. But if it could wait, that would have been my preference. I wasn't ready.

By the time we left the appointment, we hadn't decided yet whether we were going through with the induction appointment that night or not. My obstetrician asked that we talk it over and call him back to confirm. I got into the parking lot, looked at my husband and cried. My husband did what he does best, which is level with me. He always seems to be able to pull me out of my head and lay out and weigh the pros and cons for me. I mean of course I would take my doctor's recommendation but, I just wasn't ready. I needed time to wrap my head around it. I needed time.

March 30 at 8:00pm -

We arrived for my induction appointment at the hospital that evening unsure of everything. I didn't even really understand HOW I was being induced. Would it work right away? Do I go home and wait? What would it feel like? I also couldn't help feeling like there was something my doctor wasn't telling me. This theme will come up a lot as you read through the parts.

I was left waiting behind a curtain in a room with 3 other women behind their own curtains. I could hear murmurings of other conversations, nurses milling about and doctors coming and going. But the loudest sound in the room was the uncertainty of the voice in my head.

After a long wait, the doctor came in, gave me a quick run through of the procedure and proceeded. It was super uncomfortable but I had gotten used to all the poking and prodding of my body over the last 38 weeks. And just like that, we could go home and wait. I had to return in 12 hours to be checked.

March 31 at 10am -

It was time to go back to the hospital. I didn't feel any different then I had the day before. The doctor checked me and no progress had been made. He replaced the vaginal insert with a new one and I was to return in 12 hours.

March 31 at 11pm -

It was time to go back to the hospital. This time I had started to feel pressure really low in my abdomen but otherwise, no pain at all. The doctor checked me and no progress had been made. He replaced the vaginal insert with a new one and I was to return in 12 hours.

April 1 at noon -

By this time I was feeling extreme amounts of pressure really low in my abdomen but otherwise, no pain at all. It was hard to move let alone walk and get in and out of the car. It was time to go back to the hospital. The doctor checked me and no progress had been made. He replaced the vaginal insert with a new one and I was to return in 12 hours.

I got dressed and my husband helped me saunter down the hallway to the elevator, then saunter across the hospital food court to the next hallway that lead to the parking garage. One step slowly after another. Then, I stopped dead in my tracks, and... whoooosssshh! All of a sudden, all that pressure I had been feeling was relieved and I was left standing in a gigantic puddle. My husband turned around and asked, "what?" Then he saw. I burst into a combination of giggles, laughs and tears while he ran off to get a wheel chair for me. We made our way back upstairs. All the while I was, shall we say, leaking (more like gushing) all the way there. The nurses recognized me and asked, "back so soon?" whilst seeing my condition and recognizing what was happening.

Boy am I glad that didn't happen in the car.

P.S. Clearly, she wasn't born in March.

Part 2 is next.