Catch yourself - inappropriate questions and comments
- eev80
- Aug 23, 2021
- 3 min read
Updated: Aug 24, 2021
Has the world become more sensitive or more knowledgeable? I don't know, but I'm still working on this. I CATCH myself. And, to answer my own question, I have become more experienced (your EI helps too). So, when I hear an adult ask an inappropriate question or make an inappropriate comment (that I think are inappropriate), I have to wonder, what on earth they are thinking, how they haven't realized they are being inappropriate, or, if they even care!
Look, everyone reacts differently to different things, and there may be questions or comments you might ask or make to someone close to you that you would never ask or make to someone else (read my blog post called, Honest Conversations). If there's a mutual agreement there, that's great! I encourage honest conversations and curiosity, we need that in our lives. However, there is always a time and a place; READ the ROOM!
I'll come back to what I mean by 'read the room' in a moment. First, what's the big deal here? Why should we be concerned about what we say and to whom we say it? Well, if you're one of those people I mentioned above who don't care, then, you're not concerned. But for those of us who do care and are looking to become more self-aware, here are a few reasons we should catch ourselves.
First impressions are a thing. It can be very hard to change someone's view of you after you've said something that they've taken personally or were offended by.
Reactions. We never know how someone is going to react to something. It could be a gut or visceral response which can be unpredictable.
Feelings. Hurting someone's feelings is very serious. For some, hurt feelings are easy to brush off and get over. For others, it can be a trigger to something very serious in their life; addiction, depression, eating disorders, etc.
Marginalization. You can unknowingly be singling out a person or an entire group of people, or contributing to a false stereotype. If there is one thing I know about andragogy (method of teaching adults) and autonomous adults, it's that as much as they like to feel included and commiserate with others based on similar attributes, they also want to be recognized as individuals with their own ideas, beliefs and contributions.
So, here are some tips to, Catch Yourself:
Self-Awareness is key. This is a learned behaviour and you achieve this through experience; either your own or by examining the interactions around you. By studying what's happening and marrying those scenarios up with the recipients' reactions, you'll start to learn (hopefully) what is and isn't appropriate.
Understanding reactions is key. This is a learned behaviour and you achieve this through experience; either your own or by examining the interactions around you (are you starting to see a trend here?). This is a key indicator but it isn't fool-proof as some people may choose not to react, even though they might be offended.
Read the room. There are scenarios and situations where the best response and/or behaviour for you is to say and do, nothing. When I reference, reading the room, it not only means to take stock in who is present but to also understand the feelings and atmosphere too. You wouldn't run into a viewing at a funeral home being loud, laughing and telling jokes would you (I mean, most of the time)? Just as, you may not be as open about some topics with certain people as you might be with your close circle of friends, perhaps. For me? it's about not engaging in 'hot topics' on social media and/or commenting on things I know nothing about.
Reflection. This is so key in ALL aspects of your life. With time, comes experience and therefore maturity. I reflect DAILY. In turn, I learn from my missteps and correct them going forward. And, it is important to not only reflect on things you've asked or said; it is as important to reflect on things you've done and the way you may have reacted to someone not catching themselves toward you.
Have you ever done, asked or said something inappropriate? Did you realize in the moment or did you reflect on it later? Leave your comments below and share your experiences. You never know, it may help someone else along the way.
Be kind, Learn & Grow.
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