40

I wasn't prepared for my 40th birthday.

I didn't want it to arrive. I wanted to skip it, erase it and pretend as if it didn't exist. And, I wanted everyone to do the same. Isn't it funny how we do that? How we build things up in our minds. If I could do that; build a day up to be something I didn't want to arrive, then surely I could have built it up to be a day I could face with some semblance of acceptance. Like, a Thursday for instance. Yes, Thursday is a fine day. It comes and goes without event or cause for worry.

Well, it arrived! My 40th birthday I mean. And, I wasn't prepared. Instead, my mind was full of questions in anticipation of the big day.

- How did I get here?

- Have I accomplished everything I wanted to?

- Why can't I eat whatever I want anymore?

- Is that a new wrinkle?

- Do I need to buy old lady cream now?

Gone are the days I used to look at my parents and think, "geez, I'll never be that old". Well, here we are. NOW WHAT?

I guess we just move on? Is that a question? I don't know, but that's my strategy, I have no choice. I guess I'm taking this hurdle like I do all other difficult things I face in my life; accept it and move on. The key however is HOW you choose to move on.

I still don't know how I got here. Or, maybe I do. I have sat by and let life happen to me. I always have. I suppose that is what most people do. But, I have always had big thoughts; it's the self-talk that has stopped me in my tracks. That, and life and responsibility. I watch as Facebook friends and strangers start exercise routines, start businesses, delve into hobbies and much more, while I wake up, go to work, eat, go to sleep, repeat. I have even created an obsession with having and acquiring things and spaces that reflect my stage in life which somehow reflects my status in life. Who cares? Honestly, who cares about my life and what I have and do? And, more importantly, where did these social constructs come from and why do I let them affect me? (That might be the topic of another blog post) Well, I can tell you that my true friends don't care, that's for sure. We've grown up together and actually love each other's spirits and existence, the rest just isn't important.

So, here is the truth bomb. I am still going to care about what my house looks like and what I have, but it isn't for anyone else anymore, it is for my comfort and well-being. Things will slowly be replaced by experiences. Experiences that will spark my imagination and creativity, settle my soul into appreciation and peace and create moments that won't soon be forgotten. I will do what makes me happy and contribute to my community.

40. Little steps. Be mindful. Develop Strategic Intentions.